Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
