Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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