Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
