so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
