Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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