FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My feet surprised me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
