Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
