I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
