you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
