I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You're like the curious george of whores
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
