i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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