This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
