I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We are all done wearing pants today
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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