Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
