i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
