i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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