Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
