You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
