his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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