is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
