I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
