please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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