bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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