I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
