I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
