When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
