No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
