I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
