And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
