I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i came on her dog
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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