I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
