You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
