I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize