You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
