Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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