Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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