last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
