see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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