capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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