I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
