She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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