If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
