Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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