she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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