This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
