i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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