but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I forget how to act sober
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
