she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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