god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
