i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
