I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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