My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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