better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
