I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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