I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
