Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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