Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this boner is exhausting
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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