Where did you get a picture of my penis
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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