Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
