I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
