i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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