i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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