And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
