we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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