Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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