party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He felt like a one man threesome
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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