Your mouth is God's brothel.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
