So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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