He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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